"Holla Back" Bougie Dilemma Epsiode #1

Bougie Dilemma Trailer

"BECAUSE I HAVE TO" - DAVID BIANCHI

Sexy Rants & Raves aka Nadègeisms: Am I a Dude?

Sexy Rants & Raves aka Nadègeisms: Am I a Dude?: Am I a "dude" trapped in a female body?   Physiologically, I am female. My hormones seem to indicate just that since I suffer wi...

Am I a Dude?

Am I a "dude" trapped in a female body? 

 Physiologically, I am female. My hormones seem to indicate just that since I suffer with an excessive amount of estrogen. I know this because of my uterine fibroids. While scientist have been able to put a man on the moon decades before my arrival on planet earth, they are still unclear as to the cause of fibroids. The only quasi-established cause is that higher levels of estrogen and lower levels of progesterone are creating these invasive tumors. But I digress. 

I am questioning my "woman-ness" because of my inability to sustain an argument at times of war. I lack the patience. Most people tend to repeat the issue/event/problem ad nauseam. I need only hear it once ( as a courtesy)  and am ready to move to the solution portion of the program. I operate under the false belief that men are inherently built to do just that. Gross assumption, shame on me for generalizing. I do know better.

As I look back on my relationships, I can honestly say I am that other party who detests the back and forth. I am that other half who wants to get to the "fixing" portion of the program. In fact, if we could avoid a point by point recap of the event, I am thrilled. Why? Because I WAS THERE!!! In other words, I KNOW what went down and HOW it went down. 

In that spirit, I am building a list of rules on "how to argue with Nadège":

1.  Nadège vows to remember that Love is where compassion prevails and kindness rules but... 

2.  You must cease to replay the event more than thrice. (She was there- Hello). 

3. YOU may feel that Nadège is suppressing your self-expression. She isn't. YOU, during the event,   expressed yourself. Neither party was the Highest version of Self because you both fell in that rabbit hole together.

4. Do NOT dwell on what you felt, but rather seek out the root of what led you to expressing yourself in the way you did. That is a far more exciting topic, and dare I suggest more enriching, than looking for culpability. Nadège will go there right away. Like the time she got pulled out of dance class because her daddy did not pay the bursar 's office and her classmates whispered and snickered about her as she made the long trek across the room to gather her pile of street clothes, walked out never to be seen again. That is the real. Betrayal, embarrassment, shame... She will go there. Promise.

5. And finally, communicating is super important, but sometimes the written version allows time for breath to do its magic. In that spirit, she urges you NOT to text. An old school email saved in your draft box before you hit that SEND button will do both of you a world of good.

And so it is!!!

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Recovery

Sex with a recovering addict is cray-cray!
Cray-cray GOOD that is! Notice I've given away the mystery at the top. The "act" itself is insanely good because you can easily become this new lovers' addiction. The relationship portion of the program however should be banned, denied and avoided.
Whenever I find myself in a large gathering, be it a party, a crowded airplane flight or a waiting room, I am that person who gets cornered by "The recovering addict".  This pattern has gotten so status quo for me that I, now, as politely as possible conduct the following interrogation within the first seventeen minutes of conversation.
My latest encounter happened at a house party in Echo Park where the Champagne was flowing and the music thumping. He was 6'4 with a formerly toned build. He wore a crisp white button down shirt that was untucked. The contrast of the white against his dark sun-kissed skin would inspire Annie Leibovitz to get out of her forced retirement.

Me:  "So, what's you're poison?"
His quizzical and  "hand caught in the cookie jar" look begs for a list.
Me: "Alcohol, paracetamol, codeine, vicodin, demerol, percocet...cocaine?"
Recovering addict: "Why would you ask that?"
Me: "Because you're holding a bottle of water and talking to ME."
Recovering addict: " I guess I should come clean. Step 5- Admit to God and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs- I used to ....(fill in any word from my list)
Me:" Do you still go to meetings?"
Recovering Addict:" Yes, once an/a...(fill in from the list) always an ... (fill in from the list)"
Me:"How's that working out for you?"
Recovering addict: "I've been clean and sober for 5 year(s)"
Me: "Congratulations... Is that appropriate, to say?" I ask with great ignorance.
Recovering addict: (proudly) "Yes, thank you."
Me: "You're welcome."

Awkward Silence.
Recovering addict: "What about you?"
Me: (walking away)  "Self-Preservation".