What we do in the privacy of our own home is no one's business but our own and that of our nosy neighbors!
After spending Thanksgiving, my only favorite holiday, in bed, with a swollen left cheek that made me look like Alvin and the chipmunks' red headed stepchild, I took up a virtual sport that I was left in the dark about: SKYPE-SEXING!
I am thinking I have just coined a new term. Although, 'SEXskyping' does offer a sibilant tongue twisting fiesta in articulation parlance. Indeed, I do have a self-aggrandizing view of myself. My sense of humor is what keeps me bravely polishing an entire bottle of red wine every night. My liver needs the exercise.
Armed with a webcam, I found me a forty- year- old youthful virgin. He's had sex before, just never with a dark berry. He would like to take a mini-tour on the wild side but he's been warned by his ancestors, he may never go back. Besides, he knows what happened to Adam when he took a bite of the forbidden fruit. Sidebar- that apple that Eve reportedly seduced Adam with, was actually a pomegranate. Ironically, a pomegranate is at its sweetest when it's at it's darkest. Yes, methinks my SkypeSEXING partner should do well if he never goes there. The tribe should not lose another member.
We swap stories. He is witty, cute, charming, clever, a bit of a misanthrope and a cynic. He won't take his shirt off but his screen name is "Eightpacks-Abe". He looks like a six-packer is a probability which can only mean the "david" is a definite possibility. If you are a woman reading this, can I get a squeal? I know that visual just sent you to "goony-goo-goo-land".
He doesn't ask me to remove anything. He's more curious about...Hair. African Hair? How can I have an afro one day (he's not a fan) and pressed out hair the next? (more to his liking, perhaps it makes me seem softer, less militant, safer or even better, closer to the people from his tribe) Which one is real? Is any of it real? Am I a master of disguise? Why was my hair a lighter shade of brown in an old picture and now it's black and fuller? He's never heard of hair coloring! or maybe that African hair can't be colored, highlighted?
The virtual interrogation is a mood killer, I keep drinking to stave off feeling like all 103 lbs of me is now representative of an entire race known as "African-American". He must know, I did not clear this with them, I was not elected in a democratic manner.
My tribe is from the Carribbean, Haiti by way of Africa, Cuba and France. But somehow, I must represent, defend, protect, answer and educate about....AA Hair.
My SkypeSEXING partner inspires me to rent that documentary by Chris Rock about HAIR. I will surely get the education I need in order to best represent my AA tribe or at least make a good case for myself as to my qualifications for such a task. One more thing to add to the complexities of human relationships! Thanks a lot SKYPE!
EightpacksABE should just take his virtual shirt off when we Skypesex again and show me his darn virtual Davids!
