Sex with a recovering addict is cray-cray!
Cray-cray GOOD that is! Notice I've given away the mystery at the top. The "act" itself is insanely good because you can easily become this new lovers' addiction. The relationship portion of the program however should be banned, denied and avoided.
Whenever I find myself in a large gathering, be it a party, a crowded airplane flight or a waiting room, I am that person who gets cornered by "The recovering addict". This pattern has gotten so status quo for me that I, now, as politely as possible conduct the following interrogation within the first seventeen minutes of conversation.
My latest encounter happened at a house party in Echo Park where the Champagne was flowing and the music thumping. He was 6'4 with a formerly toned build. He wore a crisp white button down shirt that was untucked. The contrast of the white against his dark sun-kissed skin would inspire Annie Leibovitz to get out of her forced retirement.
Me: "So, what's you're poison?"
His quizzical and "hand caught in the cookie jar" look begs for a list.
Me: "Alcohol, paracetamol, codeine, vicodin, demerol, percocet...cocaine?"
Recovering addict: "Why would you ask that?"
Me: "Because you're holding a bottle of water and talking to ME."
Recovering addict: " I guess I should come clean. Step 5- Admit to God and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs- I used to ....(fill in any word from my list)
Me:" Do you still go to meetings?"
Recovering Addict:" Yes, once an/a...(fill in from the list) always an ... (fill in from the list)"
Me:"How's that working out for you?"
Recovering addict: "I've been clean and sober for 5 year(s)"
Me: "Congratulations... Is that appropriate, to say?" I ask with great ignorance.
Recovering addict: (proudly) "Yes, thank you."
Me: "You're welcome."
Awkward Silence.
Recovering addict: "What about you?"
Me: (walking away) "Self-Preservation".
